Damage Control after #MeToo
By Jennifer K. Crittenden, Special for USABR
In the wake of #MeToo and a wave of sexual misconduct revelations, lots of things are happening. Some of them are good, such as that guys who abused their positions of power are being outed for their terrible behavior and that victims feel they can come forward without suffering retaliation. BUT I am hearing and observing some reactions that could have a negative impact on women in the workplace and frankly would hurt those well-intentioned companies who are trying to create a work culture in which women can flourish. We are at risk of creating a counter-productive backlash.
For example, I’m hearing men say that they are being cautioned now not to meet one-on-one with their female co-workers, not to mentor them or travel with them. Some are endorsing the so-called Mike Pence rule, that you shouldn’t have dinner with a woman who isn’t your wife. This advice is usually coming from over zealous attorneys and nervous HR staff, but you can’t run your company according to attorneys or HR. Men have to be able to meet with women one-on-one, mentor them, and travel with them in order to conduct the ordinary course of business. It is also beneficial for everyone to meet in semi-social situations to build relationships and get to know each other. Restricting interactions based on gender is probably illegal; it would be the height of sexual discrimination to say men can meet with men, but not with women. More importantly however it is bad for business, especially if you are trying to build a culture that is welcoming to women.
First of all, these rules are unlikely to be enforceable or reasonable. We already know that people messing around with people is complicated. We are doomed to fail if we try to regulate their interactions, if we start trying to control things like eye contact and informal social contact. We need to reintroduce some common sense and not turn to black and white rules. How much better it would be to say, “Hey, it’s really okay to have lunch with a colleague; just don’t harass her while you’re doing so!”
Beyond that problem, it would be a step back to kick women out of meetings or travel or social events. They need to have access to their male colleagues, just as other men do, to network, and learn, and gain sponsor and mentors. And men need to get to know their female co-workers on an informal basis to build relationships and trust. Trying to regulate interactions according to gender is the wrong approach. It’s detrimental to women’s ability to build good relationships inside the organization.
But most importantly, if you’re trying to manage a team or build a company, you have to focus on the work at hand, getting people to work productively together and get your projects done. That’s the important business of a company. You can’t be worrying about controlling interactions and who’s having lunch with whom and traveling with whom. What a terrible distraction! Acting like women are these lepers that you shouldn’t have contact with is bad for business.
Lastly, this reaction has a punitive feel to it like, complain about men? Fine! No meetings for you! Surely, we can learn from the recent disclosures without punishing innocent people who happen to share a gender with those who were brave enough to speak out.
That’s my two cents. What do you think? I have written a new book called What’s a Guy to Do? How to Work with Women. It’s about building a culture which welcomes women so that women will join the company, flourish, and stay while so many others drop out. It’s short, straightforward, and humorous. I encourage you to pick up a copy, and then let’s make this the beginning of the discussion. Please share your experiences and observations with me at my website discreetguide.com. We need everyone to work on the issues around workplace culture so everyone feels safe and comfortable at work. I’d love to hear from you.
